How Joy and Grief Walk Hand in Hand
I celebrated my birthday a few weeks ago. I can 100% say, this has been the oddest birthday to date... a lot of mixed emotions.
Grief for me is always ever present to some degree and the way it looks day to day ebbs and flows. Most days, I miss Dad and feel some sadness, connect with his spirit, maybe have a convo about something on my mind, maybe tell him how much I miss him, or something I’d love help or guidance with, and then carry on. The deep waves of grief that feel as raw as the first day have lessened as time has passed. But I’m noticing a new trend that I feel will be around for awhile.
I’m seeing that often the grief tidal waves hit most intensely when great joy is present. I had spent a wonderful evening with my friends celebrating my birthday and I left feeling like my heart was so full and I was so loved. And the moment I was on the drive home - intense grief. I spent a wonderful day with John and received the most beautiful gift from him and my mom – a painting that symbolizes a poem that was written by John and read at Dads funeral. And at the end of the day intense grief. I had a wonderful love filled day with happy birthday wishes coming from all over, and when I sat to do my yearly birthday journaling and reflection - deep deep grief.
Brene Brown talks about how research has shown that you can’t selectively numb emotions. You feel it all or you feel very little. This has stuck with me, and for years I’ve worked on my ability to hold space for all emotions.
In this season of my life when I feel all the joy, in comes the grief. Walking alongside joy, holding its hand. Joy and pain all in one pretty little package. One usually leading the charge, follow soon after by the other. And it intensifies the greater the joy or the pain.I feel like when I experience true joy, my heart is wide open. But on that same heart is a wound from losing dad that is still healing. It’s a wound I feel will always carry sensitivity with it. Does it ever fully heal over? I don’t know. I think it’s different for everyone. But I do know when my heart is wide open to joy, my heart is just as open to the grief.
I know there are many joyful days in my future, and with them the potential for grief to be present as well. And I think I’m ok with that.
A beautiful friend shared a quote early after dad passed that I always carry with me - grief is love with no place to go. Maybe there’s actually no separation between the joyful times and the times of grief, as they all stem from a place of love.
If you’re early in the grief of losing someone you love, I’m with you. If you’re later in your grief timeline, I’m with you. If you’re experiencing grief from another loss, I’m with you. And If you’re entrenched in the sheer magnitude of the grief of 2020, I’m with you too.
I hope for the rest of this year and the years that follow to be lighter than 2020 has been for us all in different ways. And yet for me, I hope for 33 being just as love/grief/joy filled as 32. Because I know for me if the grief is there, so is the love and joy.
Xoxo,
elyse
Hello!! And welcome! I’m so happy you’re here.
I’m Elyse – a life and wellness coach, yoga and meditation instructor and intuitive (mostly) plant based dog mom of three! I am passionate about supporting others in coming home to themselves. I can’t wait to support you on your journey home!